CSotD: Complaint Department
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Start off with something only semi-controversial: Real Life Adventures.
The non-controversial part is that my one-and-only chemo treatment, aside from trashing my kidneys, also made my hair fall out faster and more completely (I was already well along).
So I decided to shave my head rather than walk around looking like the accordion man in "Pennies From Heaven."
What I discovered was that being bald requires a lot of attention, that it's not just a matter of going zip-zip over your head when you do your cheeks. A little bit of stubble ruins the whole effect.
So add that to the long list of peacock fashions.
Back in 1971 or so, when I had luxurious hair, at a time when we still had barbers and beauticians and never the twain would snip, I went to one of the only breakthrough places that cut men's hair with a look to how men under 40 wore their hair, and got one of those Rod Stewart cuts.
You know Rod Stewart — that rock star who makes so much money that he can afford to have stylists follow him around all day touching him up so he doesn't look like freakin' Garth from Wayne's World.
So I like the Magic Marker idea, particularly since he shows some stubble at the back, too.
The controversial part is that even people who are wealthy enough to have stylists follow them around all day can be so ridiculously vain that they insist on salvaging a twisted mass of what little hair they have left, piling it up and dying it until never mind the innocent kid shouting that the Emperor is naked, but what about the innocent kid shouting that the Emperor has a hat made of yellow fiberglass?
Either be cool with the status quo or, if you care enough to do something, do something intelligent: Buy a good hair piece.
Trust me: Being as cool as Sean Connery is not a demotion.
Also on the topic of disappointing realities, we have Retail.
First, a compliment to Norm Feuti for putting store employees in polo shirts and customers in winter gear when it's winter. The kind of touch that lets you know he's paying attention, not just firing off random gags.
And he's right about this, but let me add that, even if Marla's store were one of the ones slated for closure, the sale wouldn't be all that good. You have to crash the entire chain before the bargains really mount up: Beyond that, you'll get good prices, but they retain the option of simply shipping their leftovers to another outlet.
A grocery store closing will get you some good prices, because by the time they ship things elsewhere, they're pushing the edge of the expiration dates. But so are you, so there ya go.
There remains no such thing as a free lunch.
And I'm completely flumoxxed by the phenomenon being satirized in today's Rudy Park. I know where it comes from: Somebody posted a rant about how "Facebook Has Killed Comedy," which inspired this closer look, which I get, but I don't get.
There are levels on which he's absolutely right:
Remember when your fingers just remembered different URLs, and you would go to The New York Times, and The Onion, and Funny or Die? Now it’s less so. You type in Facebook or Twitter or Reddit and then you just sit there and passively take in this feed of what’s selected for you.
No argument, except for this one: In those days, the Internet was a much smaller, clubbier place. But the reason it progressed to where more than a handful of people could make a living was because it became absurdly huge.
Thus necessarily groomed and collected and not quite "regulated" so much as "organized."
Now it's organized. Deal with it.
This is like when we discovered that change machines would accept Dick Gregory dollar bills, which were handed out free, as many as you'd like. I knew several people who were eating in the library vending area for free, until somebody updated the machines.
The response to which is, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
But you can hardly rail against the library for no longer handing out free sandwiches.
In his other strip, Darrin Bell threatens to set off a rant I don't have space for at this stage, lucky you.
Lemont is right about how over-excited everyone seems to be about "Black Panther."
This piece goes on about how BP is the only Marvel hero who has never f***ed up, which is a good thing as long as you don't look at who's on the other end of the pen and wonder if maybe they're too timid to make a black character f*** up.
Marvel has struggled with diversity, and maybe turning characters black or having them go through sex changes is part of the answer, but it's sure as hell not the whole answer, and I don't know who's on the other end of the pen these days but the Ta-Nehisi Coates experiment doesn't seem to have lasted.
Still, if Black Panther lives up to a third of the hype, I'm all for it.
But remember, Marvel is Disney, the studio who gave us "Pocahontas" and "the Princess and the Frog" as diversity break-throughs.
And speaking of Pocahontas:
"Wakanda," the imaginary planet of the Black Panther, is a word taken from the Plains people, which would be semi-okay if it were the word for "arrow" or "campsite."
But it's the word most often translated as "The Great Spirit," though it's a little more complex than that.
Whatever the precise English equivalent, it's certainly disrespectful if not completely blasphemous.
Kind of like inventing a superhero from the planet "Talmud" or "Blessedvirginmary."
Diversity is harder than it looks from the outside. (There's a joke or a koan hidden there.)
Now, in honor of the day, please rise and turn to Hymn Number 1967:
Mike Peterson has posted his "Comic Strip of the Day" column every day since 2010. His opinions are his own, but we welcome comments either agreeing or in opposition.
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